Four guys in heaven were arguing one day, and St. Peter asked what they were arguing about.
One responded, “We were arguing about what branch of the service was best.”St. Peter said he would pose the question to God, and God would publish a memo in about a week.

A while later a memo arrived. The text of the memo said that God had been asked what service branch was the best. God replied as follows:

“All branches of service served with dignity and honor. All members of all of the services served with dignity and honor. All branches of service are held in high esteem.”

Sincerely,

God
USAF Retired

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. People passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat And watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see If the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was Yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes. Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place For young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl’s dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no Effort to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if You make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to Avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, “Hello.” The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a “hi “; after a long Stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why ! she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, “Because, I’m Different.” I immediately said, “That you are!”; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, “I know.” “Little girl,” I said, “you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.” She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and Said, “Really?” “Yes, you’re like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by.” She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said “I am.” “I’m your Guardian Angel,” with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless — sure I was seeing things. She said, “For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done”.. I got to my feet and said, “Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?” She looked at me, smiled, and said, “You’re the only one that Could see me,” and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you’re all you have, remember, your angel is Always watching over you.

One day a father gets off from work, and suddenly remember’s its his daughter’s birthday. He pull’s in at a toy store, walk’s in and asks the sales lady, “How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?”

The sales lady replies, “Which one do you mean, sir? We have Workout Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie… for $265.95.”

The amazed father replies, “IT’S WHAT?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and all the other Barbie’s $19.95?”

The annoyed sales lady roll’s her eye’s and replies, “Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture, one of Ken’s friend’s, and a keychain made with Ken’s private parts!

Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the sports field,
There were some throwing,
In hope that some exercise
Would get their brains going.

In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
Dreading all those exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a blur,
I just couldn’t study.

“Some pizza might help,”
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I’d pretty much concluded
Life is unfair and cruel,
Since our futures all depend
On grades made in school.

When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off
Ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless,
Her manner was mellow,
She looked at the mess
And started to bellow:

“Why should us students
Make such a fuss,
About what those teachers
Toss out to us?”

“On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year’s Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!”

Her message delivered,
She vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing
Outside in the night.

“Your teachers won’t flunk you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test.”