Its Kevin

  • The Grocery Store

    Me: Why is there plastic on the payment keypad? Cashier: to protect people from Covid. Me: but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad? Cashier: no words. *Confused look.* Me: An another thing… Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore? Cashier: Because of covid 19 to reduce…

  • Marital Miranda Rights

    A husband and wife were having an argument in their kitchen. Voice were raised in shouts, plates were being thrown, and he had just accused her of being unfaithful claiming that rather than going to her Mother’s she was probably going to some club with her friend. The woman’s best friend arrived to pick her…

  • Golfing Confession

    A man goes to the confessional and begins, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”   “What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back.   “Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible.”    “When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest.  …

  • Jesus’s Chauffeur

    Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement , and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. “You know” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never…

  • A Marrital Intervention

    “Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meals!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the…

  • Luckily I have my flashdrive, or the Shittiest excuse ever.

    I know I came up with some bullshit in my day, but this student takes the cake. Fuck taking the cake, he stole that bitch, and sold it on Ebay. shitmystudentswrite: Please excuse my absence today. My former roommate fell off a balcony and died. My current roommate’s mother died and one of my good…

  • That’s my boy!

    I somehow feel a sort of kinship with this particular knothead. shitmystudentswrite: I believe that if X-rated movies would have been shown at film festivals in 1973 a lot of people probably would have liked them but at the same time the government would probably want to get them to stop showing those movies.  

  • Our fearless leaders

    I know I’ve written something similar to this in highschool.  I also know that I’ve thoughtabout it as a part of an argument in a debate or two. shitmystudentswrite: What about the women who gave birth to our fearless leaders such as Albert Einstein, Barack Obama, David Beckham and Posh?

  • TV Vegitation

    A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” ”OK,” says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.

  • Human Geography: Or the Age of Location

    I present for your amusement, a quick lesson in human geography. The process is simple, as we age, our bodies tend to represent the various parts of the world we live in. It is better to know where in the world you are going as you grow older, so that you are prepared when you…