Names have power. They help define you as a person, unlock doors in social situations, and give insight into your personal history. The choice of a name should not be taken lightly, as the child must cope with it all through their life, unless they take the time and money to legally change it. So, if you name your child Phineas Howell-Rockefeller Jones, please don’t’ be shocked if people ask you about why you chose something so hoity-toity. Especially if your best friends call you “Punkie”.

If you go with an outrageous name, be prepared to back it up as well. Names like Latesha, Amani, and Lexus are known quantities. Geraldine, Samuel, and Ralph are reminiscent of the olden days. But if you choose to name your child Dorcas, Felony, or Trebor, you’re going to get some funny looks. Here are some of the odd names I have come across in my travels. Each one of these is real, and I have placed my thoughts beside each one.

Verlene – This must be Vernon’s daughter.
Semaj – Why the hell did they name this child Sandwich.
Shamu Lumbi – She’s either a really nice woman, or someone you don’t’ get in front of at the buffet.
Sherlock – He must have been an inquisitive child (And yes, his last name is Holmes).
Saoirse – Well, there’s no way in hell I’m going to say this one properly.
Khaleesi – How did they come up with such a pretty name.

My name, Kevin, has a nice history. It means kind and gentle, or handsome. I received this name from my brother, as it’s the name of one of his closest friends from childhood. The reason my brother was permitted to name me, is because the name chosen for me by my mother was old school and likely to get me tormented as a child. Yes, if my mother had her way, I’d be named Wardell.

So please, name your children with some forethought to how that name will stick with them for the rest of their lives. I know its hard, and you want to be cute, but the child didn’t do anything to deserve your version of a sense of humor for a name.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with Cassandra.